I used to DESIRE to dig into research and to experiment and try a hypothesis in my classroom. Since COVID I have felt complacent and unsupported to try anything. This is the danger of not just the pandemic, but ANY major situation.
Then I also became involved with MCTM and worked with people whose desire was to make math more connected again. There were several feeling the same way as I did, and for once that gave some comfort.
I've discovered through personal study and investment in my thinking habits, (as mentioned in previous posts) that I am an Architect. Not by trade, but by mindful construction of the "Big Picture" and commanding the tools, resources, and assets I am connected to make it happen. Not to brag, far from it, for Architects also are behind the scenes people, and some have the opposite of superiority complex; that is to say, an inferiority complex. This is a dangerous feeling to have, especially if one is in a competitive environment.
If you have these feelings, it is time to build yourself back up, try something new, or overcome your fear of failure. One way I have done this is by reapplying at a nearby district, who has resources and a larger (math) department that I've wanted to be part of . The outcome of getting a job like this (and I did!) means letting go of your old feelings. (doubt, disillusions, etc.)
I also realize I represent a silent voice that has been bullied into silence because of beliefs similar to mine. If you are one of these, take heart with this helpful link for transitioning from one job (district) to another. It's not for everyone, but if EVERYONE would take posts like this and treat it like a grocery market--take what you like, leave what you don't--then I think the offenses would decrease.
Also like another blogger said, this is my blog, not yours. While you have the freedom to comment, I have the freedom to restrict or ignore comments hurtful and morally offensive. I plan to count my successes before I move to my next journey, not feel guilty about it. This is something that many encounter (especially Architects). I shall truly enjoy the ride, and still connect with those I have ties with (see previous posts and they will be self-evident).
Til I chalk again,
Mr. Shel
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